My cat ate my arm

i have a very sweet cat named Goose. i adopted him six years ago and i like to think we get along swimmingly. he's low key, he only barfs occasionally, and pretty much keeps his poop in the litterbox. he's just aloof enough that when he's affectionate, i feel like he must really love me. and what, you must be asking, does this have to do with food?

i'll tell you.

yesterday, i went lap swimming for the first time in a long time...okay, for the first time ever. despite showering, i still smelled a bit like chlorine. not a big deal. i go to bed, innocently tucking in with my arms flailed over my head.

at 6am, i wake to my cat standing over me on my pillow, which is unheard of. he never gets on my pillow--he's one of those sleep at the foot of the bed kind of cats. he leans in and starts licking my right arm. i'm not talking a little love lick, i'm talking big, broad licks up and down my forearm, savoring every bit of chlorinated tart saltiness he can fine. after about 30 seconds (but really if felt longer), he took a quick whiff and then, i swear, a tentative bite. gentle and certainly no where close to skin breaking, but definitely a bite. "huh, that's odd," i thought, "i'm sure he won't do that again." but, again, after a few more licks, another little nibble. my cat was essentially working his way up to eating my arm. um, that is SO not cool.

fearing for my arm's safety, i tucked it under the blankets. he gave the blankets a half-hearted scratch, scowled at me and jumped off the bed.

so, what gives? i know he has a walnut-sized brain, but i thought we had, like, some sort of bond. i mean, i would never eat him! maybe it's revenge for my constant taunting with tasty treats. here i am eating cheesecake mere inches away from the poor guy. nonetheless, we could talk about it. no need to take such drastic measures! i was just kidding around. i probably let him lick the plate!

or maybe its that he's sick of his admittedly unexciting dry food. yes, it's "roasted chicken" but its still hard little brown pellets. but when i gave him canned food, well, there were issues that i won't get into on a food blog. and sometimes i give him little Pounce treats, plus i can always be counted on for table scraps. apparently, all this means nothing to him. if my nice meaty arm is available for eating, so be it. eat it, he will.

i'm totally traumatized.