15 April 2003

lettuce boycott

last week i decided that lettuce should no longer be a part of any salad i make. think about it. what is lettuce but filler, creating volume with air and water? unless one uses nice, fresh, organic lettuce, preferably something with a bit of a kick and complexity, i find no real reason to include the leafy vegetable in my salads. it has little taste, minimal nutritional value and doesn't even look pretty. a tossed lettuce salad rarely comes together, with the lettuce surfacing at the top and other ingredients falling to the bottom, only to be retrieved thru rather insightly bowl scraping.

in fact, i suppose, in keeping with the current political climate, one could go as far to say that lettuce is unamerican! that's right! because, um, because to be an american is to appreciate the economy of precious resources, not to mention our unalienable right to access those resources. right? and lettuce denies us the resource of space and prohibits access to carrots, cucumbers, mushrooms, etc. why, if you took all the space created by all the lettuce in all the salads in our fair country, you could probably build a shopping mall with a GAP, a Banana Republic, a Starbucks and a McDonalds and think of how that would bolster our economy in these difficult times! and without lettuce, think of how much more room you would have for non-lettuce vegetables in the salad, increasing the demand for such produce which, in turn, would help to support our farmers (and our pesticide manufacturers, and our distributers and our farm manufacturers and haliburton). go America! boycott lettuce!


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