15 September 2002

vomit jelly belly

Yom Kippur started a few hours ago and, with the exception of juice and water (and toothpaste...does that count? i don't know), i'm fasting for the day. i became hungry about ten minutes before the end of services. sadly, my pre-fast day in food was less than stellar. it began on a good note, though, with a fabuluos toasted egg bagel smothered in cream cheese, red onions, cucumbers and tomato. i had a meeting at my house yesterday and being the good jewish-mother-in-training, bought bagels from The Bagel for everyone. such a good jew i am!

bagels are one of those foods that i don't necessarily think about a lot. so every time i have one, i'm pleasantely suprised. the comfort food aspect combined with the fact that the real kind (we're not talking about bruegers, here!) are just so darn good makes bagels, i think, one of the best foods out there. bite into a bagel, and i feel like everything is going to be alright.

but i digress. after my wonderful breakfast, i hopped into the car and drove, with lida and magda to the Jelly Belly Factory in pleasant prairie, wisconsin. i repeat, pleasant prairie, wisconsin--what kind of heavy painkillers were the founders of this town on? we went on the jelly belly express tour through the warehouse where we learned how jelly bellys are made and saw jelly belly portraits of your standard famous folks: reagan, marilyn, lincoln, margaret thatcher (?), etc. included in the history of the jelly belly video was a cheerful little blurb about jelly belly's travelling through space...on the Challenger. uhm, er, ack, The Challenger!?!?! well, i guess one can't expect a factory in a town called Pleasant Prairie to exercise tact...or feel responsible for representing some degree of accuracy in reporting. the tour was a 1/2 hour. we then spent about 1 1/2 hours wandering around the giftshop. highlights included the shrine to ronald reagan who was apparently an early advocate of the jelly belly--the first president to bring jelly belly's to the white house! and the tasting counter which offered Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, thank you harry potter. i sampled, or at least tried to sample, the following flavors: booger, black pepper, dirt, ear wax, grass, sardine, spinach and vomit. vomit was very realistic. its hard to write about it without getting sick to my stomach. they were all eerily accurate with the exception of ear wax, which i've never actually eaten, but i am assuming doesn't really taste like cinnamon.

vomit. i had to spit it out. and in the process got it on my fingers which smelled of vomit jelly belly for three hours before i could get myself to a sink.given that i tend to hold my hand up to my face as i drive (strange habit, i know), it was a very unpleasant experience.

the bertie bott beans are brilliant, really, in terms of marketing. they are absolutely foul but everybody was trying them. i even bought four small boxes to send to friends (and enemies! wah ha ha ha ha!). i'm paying $2/box for something i know is truly hideous. what's wrong with me?

and on that note, i'm off to bed. to hopefully dream about something other than vomit jelly bellys. or is it bellies?


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