i've made it!

"Hi Deep Fry-Have you tried California Rice Oil for Deep Frying-smoke point 490 degrees!!! I also lowered my cholesterol with Rice Oil, Flaxseed Oil and NO trans fats-but I'm no saint."

OH MY GAWD!! COMMENT SPAM!! I'M SOMEBODY, NOW! I'M SOMEBODY!! this is just as exciting as when The Jerk found his name in the phonebook. totally. maybe more.

and on a completely different note, my coworker always has a bowl of m&m's outside of her office and they are like crack. i don't even like m&m's (except the peanut ones), yet i find myself going out of my way to swing by and grab a handful of those nasty little chocolatey buttons multiple times a day. since she's at the back of the opposite side of the building, it's clear, unless i make up some sorry excuse for visiting (because sometimes email and phones just don't always work) that i'm only going there for the m&m's. sigh. each time, i feel shame and i always forget the predictable subsequent sugar low. yesterday, at the end of the day before heading over to the gym, i stopped over, convincing myself that the m&m's would act as a pre-workout pick-me-up. as i reached into the bowl and began scooping, a head poked out from behind a cubicle wall: "busted!" shouted will. a recovered m&m-aholic, he not only shared his story of triumph (i believe he cured himself by overdoes) but demonstrated his fierce willpower. he actually walked over to the m&m's, stood looking over them, and watched me take some (peanut--his favorite flavor) without as much as flinching. i even waved a peanut m&m under his nose and, still, nothing. wow. i hope that i'm like him some day. it's not that i mind the calories, godforbid i should ever do that, but the sugar just kills me every time. yesterday after my pre-workout snack, i could barely make it through a light cardio routine (ha! who'd'a guessed that i'd write "light cardio routine" in my foodblog?), i was so spent from the m&m's. when i have a mid-day handful, i always feel lethargic a 1/2 hour later. but do i learn by doing? NO NO! i continue the pattern!

for now, i'll just feed the addiction. it's only the guilt of always taking and never providing that does anything to cause me hesitation. even this i've managed to justify, convincing myself that since my mother had a bowl of m&m's on her desk at her office, i've somehow, through familial ties, contributed to the overall supply of office m&m's. pathetic, i know.