coffee situation

i am discovering that i am totally non-functional before i've had my morning coffee. we're talking COMPLETELY non-verbal, incapable of operating light machinery, barely able to stand upright.

is this a problem?

(wo)Man versus Meat: The Final Showdown

versus

It's a Saturday night. I just put a brisket in the oven. The timer is set for 4 hours. I have a paper to write. It must reach at least 1500 words. Who will finish first? Me or the brisket?

Updates from our embedded journalist
17:40hr
wordcount: 675
brisket: baking

18:23
wordcount: 1,245 but no end in sight, certainly not 300 words from now! curses!
brisket: baking, audibly simmering

Final Results
Curses! I just lost a competition to a slab of beef. Who knew it was possible for one human to experience such defeat! The brisket is done and I'm well beyond my word count requirement, yet tragically not near completion of the paper. This is problematic for many reasons, the contest only being the most important.

versus

i fought the brisket, and the brisket won.

last post-final results update
22:35hr
wordcount: 2,201. paper is complete. topic was cut in half three times. now it's time to edit.
brisket: cut, cooled and in the refrigerator.

cause for concern? what do you think?

i'm making banana chocolate chip bread. i was cracking the eggs into to the mix. from a dozen Cherry Lane eggs. i went to crack the last of four eggs and it was hard-boiled! to be clear: one of my dozen eggs was hard-boiled. i promise and swear on all that is sacred to me that i definitely did not hard-boil that egg and put it back in the egg carton. it came that way. hard-boiled. what the????

so i threw it out.

but, has anyone ever heard of such a thing? should i be worried? do you think i'll die instantly if i eat the banana bread made with three eggs from the same dozen the hard-boiled one came from?

how did it get hard-boiled?

my theories:
1. it was, um, REALLY HOT on the trip from farm to store, but only in one square inch of the truck.
2. someone at the grocery store was playing a silly trick.
3. i have some strange condition in which i get up in the middle of the night and hard-boil eggs, then put them in the carton, to forget about it by morning.
4. my neighbor with the spare key was playing a silly trick.
5. the chicken had a serious fever when it laid the egg.

thoughts?